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clothing, funny halloween costumes, Halloween costume, halloween costume reviews, sexy halloween costumes
As you may have guessed by the title, this post doesn’t have anything to do with baked goods. I received a Halloween costume catalog in the mail today and thought I’d peruse through it to find something for the little guy. Of course, the majority of the catalog consisted of costumes for women with the word “sexy” in front of the description. I’m not sure who started the, “dress like a tramp on Halloween because I can get away with it” tradition, but as a mom whose body isn’t what it used to be, I thought I would share some of my opinions on the tradition.
Sexy Giraffe
This costume is listed for $129.99 and doesn’t even include the shoes! WTF? I hope it at least includes a prescription for Plan B.
Sexy Gizmo
Don’t feed this one after midnight. In fact, don’t feed this one at all…because she’s anorexic.
Sexy Nemo
Apparently the Pacific Ocean isn’t the only thing that has crabs.
Sexy Clown
For women who want to dress like that one time they went to the circus when they were nine, and were molested by creepy “Uncle” Sal.
Genie in the Lamp
It seemed like a good idea at first, until Joe’s spout got caught in the automatic doors on the subway.
Sexy Banana
Hey, you know what I haven’t done in a while? Gotten raped.
Sexy Waldo
Where’s Waldo? More like, where’s my diaphragm?
Happy Morning
$7.95 for a pair of boxers, a fake hard-on, and the guarantee you’ll be tased directly in the genitals at least three times before midnight.
Sexy Butterfly
From the new children’s book, The Very Slutty Caterpillar
So, it looks like if I don’t want to wear a sexy costume my only options are to go as the zombie version of something or a giant crayon. Maybe I should go as a zombie crayon. I could be the color “ghould”. Bwahahahaha!
Funniest, by far, is the Sexy Nemo. LOVE your snarky comments!!
Teri
Snarkfest
Thanks! I liked the Nemo one too, when I said it to myself I laughed out loud so I knew I had to post it!
Funny stuff Amy, thanks! I really needed a good laught this morning! 🙂
Thanks and you’re welcome! You can still wear the sexy costumes because you like exercise…I, on the other hand, like OREOs…so zombie crayon it will be! 🙂
Ooh!Ooh! Can we wear these to our kids halloween parties and make all the other adults feel extremely uncomfortable? No? Ok, I’ll stick with the housecoat and curlers in my hair, at least it’s free and truth be told, a little more realistic=/
Thanks Missy! I completely forgot about that costume option. I don’t know why I’m complaining…it seems like we have lots of un-sexy choices out there. Cue sarcasm.
I told you I was happy to find your blog and am bouncing through lots of old posts. Here’s Halloween in September and I laughed out loud. We went to a couples Halloween party and 2 moms came as bunnies. One mom as a Playboy Bunny in fishnets and hooker pumps and the other as a bunny coming out of a huge hat. Needless to say you know which one was headed toward menopause! (I’m guessing the husband dressed as Hugh Hefner had a lot more fun that night than the one dressed as David Copperfield!)
Ha! Who knows…maybe the bunny in the hat had a few tricks up her sleeve too! 🙂
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